On Milestones

Well, it's official; I have been single for 6 months.  This may not seem like much to some of you, but it's a milestone for me. 

We celebrate milestones throughout our lives.  There are those that everyone celebrates; when we're 16 we can get a driver's license and, if we're really lucky, a car.  At 18, we graduate high school and are considered adults (whatever the hell that means).  At 21, we're finally able to legally do all the drinking we've been doing since 16.  At 25, our car insurance rates drop.  And then there are those that most people celebrate; graduating college, getting married, having kids, big birthdays, anniversaries, etc. 

But what about the milestones that go unnoticed or unappreciated?  For some of us, things like holding a job down for a year or losing 50 lbs is a milestone in our lives.  For me, having been in relationships for so long, conquering my fear of being alone for 6 months is a huge thing!  Now granted, I may have cheated a little along the way.  There was one somewhat heavy flirtation for a week or two.  There was also another, slightly more serious liason that resulted in the brakes being hit hard enough that I smashed my head on the metaphorical windshield pretty soundly.  The wounds are healing but the scars will be there for a while. 

Even so, I'm pretty proud of myself that I've made it this far. Not that I had guys throwing themselves at my feet or anything but I'll take what I can get.  I am interested to see what the next 6 months bring. Who knows, I may find the man of my dreams...or I may be sitting at home with Jenn watching movies. :-)

I urge you not to take the small milestones for granted.  Most people celebrate 6 months or a year of being in a relationship, but why shouldn't we celebrate the opposite.  Celebrate being on your own, being your own person.  All that being said, if Mr. Right calls tomorrow and tells me he's madly in love with me and doesn't want to live without me for another minute....Well then, I guess I'll never find out what it's like to be single for a whole year.

On Being Thankful

Tonight was another first for me.  This was the first holiday meal I have hosted without a boyfriend.  You know what?  It was the best one ever!  With limitless help of my fabulous roommate, we pulled off an amazing dinner with friends!!  She was instrumental in getting the house painted and put together.  She helped me in the kitchen all night, helped entertain while I was cooking, it was fantastic!  *She herself also made a WONDERFUL crab dip...mmmm....

Anyway,  tonight was so much fun and I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life.  The ones who were there to share the night with me and the ones who weren't.

I have recently had to reevaluate things in my life.  Consider new possibilities and options.  I have decided that I love my life.  I love where I live, I love my job and my newly-painted apartment.  I have no idea what next year will bring, there are things happening now that could potentially change everything.  For now though, I am going to enjoy the life I have.

Thank you to everyone who makes my life what it is.

On Being A Geek

Let me start by saying that geeks are fantastic!  Felan was a geek of MMORPGs (that's Maniacal Man-stealing Online Really Pathetic Game, thank you Becca) among other things.  It always amazed me how much information he could retain and apply at a moment's notice.  He knows everything about the table-top game of Battletech and probably 95% of the World of Warcraft universe as well.  This doesn't even include Diablo or Diablo II which was his previous obsession.  I swear someone should give that boy a job doing something with these games, he'd blow the pants off those already working.

Connor was a geek as well but in a more general sense.  Connor loved Indiana Jones and Star Wars and many types of games.  He introduced me to my obsession with Joss Whedon and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog (if you haven't seen it, you don't know what you're missing).

I don't know why I love geeks so much, I really couldn't tell you.  Maybe it's because I've been immersed in that world for so long.  I don't play games, I never have, but I like watching them be played, I like learning about them.  Geeks are comfortable to me.  I recently attended PAX (the Penny-Arcade Expo) and loved it.  While I am sure I did not get the full experience since I don't play, I enjoyed myself immensely learning about all of the new stuff coming out.  I have big plans for next year!!

Being a geek means that I'm privy to jokes about Dr. Who (<3!) and WoW and LOLCats   I enjoy things like Cake Wrecks, The Guild and Ctrl+Alt+Del.  I desperately want a hoodie that says "Talk Nerdy To Me". 

Connor recently posted a question on Facebook about whether to show his children the Star Wars set in order or show them 4-6 first.  At first I thought this a silly question (who cares, right?)...but then I thought about more.  The reaction of our children (and by that I mean my generation's) to Star Wars may very well determine the future of geekdom.  Our children will be responsible for creating the next round of awesomeness.  If they are shown the Star Wars movies in order, they may decide they want nothing to do with them before the end of the first one.  Better to show them the original 3 and let them decide whether or not to subject themselves to the newer, less awesome movies.  We got along just fine with the middle of the story for so long, did George Lucas really have to go and ruin it?*

My heroes are people like Kevin Smith, Felicia Day, Joss Whedon and Wil Wheaton. People who dare to create something for those of us who aren't afraid to be geeks.  Being geek is cool now (you can ask anyone).  If the man I marry turns out not to be a geek, rest assured that he will be converted.  I will make it my life's work to teach him about the glory that is Geekdom.  

  *Please note that Ewan McGregor is permanently excluded from anything derogatory I might say about....anything.

On What I Want

I was recently told that hints won't do it, if I want something, I need to say it.  So here it is.  This is what I want from a man.  This is for all those potential boyfriends/husbands out there. ;-)

Don't get me wrong, some of the guys I have dated have done some of these things. And of course I'm not expecting anyone to do them ALL, but in general, this is what would make me happy.  These aren't in order and most of it is just how it comes out of my head.

Show me you love me every day.  Little things are the best.  Touch me as you walk by, leave me notes around the house telling me you love me.  Once a day at least, walk up to me and kiss me like the movies, just out of the blue and for no reason.  Bring me flowers once in a while.  They can be from the neighbor's yard for all I care.  Every so often, wake me up in the middle of the night or in the morning, tell me to get dressed and take me on an adventure.  It doesn't have to be anything particular, it can be a place we've never been or a place we go all the time.  Even if it's just to go have a picnic lunch somewhere before we go to work.  If I've had a bad day or I am in tears, even if it's because of you, just hold me.  Just wrap me in your arms and tell me you love me.

This is a big one, it even gets its own paragraph: Make my birthday special.  My birthday has always been a big deal (it happens when you're an only child) and I like it that way.  It doesn't have to be expensive but it should be well thought out.  You can take me camping or just get me some flowers and write me a love letter.  While I do like shiny things and going out and all of that, it isn't always necessary (once in a while would be nice). 

Do the dishes or the laundry.  Pick up the house just so I don't have to.  I don't mind doing it, I love cooking (I hate cleaning) but having someone share the workload is fantastic.  I like adventures, day trips or overnights.  I LOVE surprises (the good kind anyway).  Hold my hand or put your arm around me when we're out.  Cuddle with me in bed.  If I go to bed first, when you come in, curl up around me, even if it's just for a few minutes before you turn over to fall asleep.  If you leave before I'm awake, always kiss me goodbye. 

If there is something wrong, something you don't like, talk to me.  I can't fix it unless I know.  Never, ever lie to me (except where it concerns a surprise for me), not even to protect my feelings or because you think I'll be mad.  Just get it over with, I will be 10 times as angry if I find out about it later and find out you lied.  Never, ever, ever cheat on me.  If you feel yourself starting to drift, tell me immediately and we will either work it out or we won't. 

Take care of me and I will take care of you.  Show me you love me everyday and it will be returned.  Maybe these things are a lot to ask, maybe they're not.  But I need someone as corny and romantic as I am.  I need someone who will watch sappy chick-flicks with me and not complain about it (ok, you can complain a little).  Grow with me, learn with me.  Maybe we can take classes together, ballroom dancing or a cooking class.  Also very important, I want a family more than anything in the world.  If you don't want one, forget it, we're not on the same page in the least. 

All of this being said, I believe with all my heart and soul that there is someone out there for each of us...it's just a matter of finding them.  Maybe I've already met you, maybe I haven't.  But either way I hope this helps.  You can never, ever tell me you don't know what I want.  ;-)

"The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."  --Juno

On Connecting and Reconnecting

With so many forms of social media out there today it's easier than ever to reconnect with people we lost long ago.  Just recently I have re-found old friends and flames and it makes me so happy!  Of course, you also have to consider that it means people can find you, too.  That means that the people I blocked from AIM years ago because they were either creepy stalkers or annoying as hell could potentially look me up on Facebook, Myspace or any number of other ways.....crap.

Through this reconnection process I have found a new roommate (3 days!), old friends I'd nearly forgotten about, and old friends I'd just lost touch with.  It has also helped to improve my relationship and communication efforts with some people.  I never call anyone anymore.  I'm much more likely to text or IM them.  Call it impersonal, call it whatever you like, but I've discovered that people like me better in cyberspace.  ;-)

I've never been into Twitter, there aren't many people I need a play-by-play of their daily lives from.  There are people I keep up with though, people I admire like Jim Butcher and Felicia Day.  Occasionally, I'll respond to something they post and they'll write back.  That makes my day, let me tell you.  Today, Wil Wheaton talked to me....WIL WHEATON!!  For those of you who don't know who he is, here's is Blog.  He's a hero among geeks and a huge celebrity at gatherings like PAX which I went to this past September.  As far as I'm concerned, Wil Wheaton is one of the Kings of Geekery.  I will post more on being a geek next time.  Let me just say.... I <3 teh geeks.

General Frustrations and Sargeant Excitement

There's so much I want to do!  I am totally committed to starting this business but at the same time, I really want to get back into theater and musicals.  I want to get voice lessons, I want to travel.  There's just too much.  Perhaps there is something to be said for Calvin's cloning machine.

Why is it that the only guys that like me are at least 1000 miles away?  Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying being single, it's a totally new experience not to have someone I want to spend time with everyday (and therefore don't get anything done) but it's a little frustrating to know that there are people out there that would willingly be with me (as opposed to me just stalking them) and they're so far away!  Hmm, maybe this should tell me something.....Maybe I'm only likable at a distance of 1000 miles or more?  That could make sense. 

On a bright note, my new roommate arrives in Portland in 1 week!  It's very exciting and should be lots of fun.  I got little paint cards today and taped them up all over the house.  I'm pretty stoked about it and can't wait til Jenn gets here to see what she thinks. 

This song is stuck in my head today.  The first few lines, specifically. 

*sigh* As always I am and will be LFG.

New Apartment Log: Day 6

The Frosted Mini Wheats and beer ran out today....the future is uncertain and despair is on the horizon.  The packing continues to progress, though slowly.  There is almost room to walk in the kitchen now.  Ready to eat food stores are dwindling and I will, eventually, have to start cooking again.  One can only live on fish sticks and pudding for so long. 

I think maybe I bake too much.  I have discovered, lacking the pantry I had at my last apartment, that my collection of baking supplies has grown so large it now needs its own shelving unit. 

Communications to the outside world are diminishing...the internet connection grows slower and more tentative by the day.  Once it goes completely or the owner discovers how to secure it, it is only a matter of time before all hope is lost. 

My mother arrives next Tuesday...if no one has seen me by Thursday, please send a search party.  It may already be too late and I may be hiding in Canada by then. 

The adventure continues.

On Being Single

It's an interesting feeling, going home to an empty house.  On the one hand, it's fantastic.  There's no one but me to care that the dishes aren't done and I can't open my front door more than a couple of feet.  On the other, there's no one else to do any of it either. 

Being single for the first time when I am old enough to go out and party definitely has its own appeal.  I mean, last time I was 16 and unless I wanted to end up pregnant by a stupid drunk redneck, there weren't a whole lot of options.  Since I start work at 11pm, I could potentially go out every evening, pick up a random guy at a bar (I'm sure there are at least a few desperate enough to sleep with me), have wild monkey sex and then, "oh, I'm sorry, I have to go to work.....bye!"  While this does sound like it could be interesting in some ways, I think I'll hold off for the hot ones with the accents.  ;-)

My roommate gets here in a week and a half and I'm sure we'll go out and have lots of fun.  It helps that she's that type of person.  She can walk me through being in my 20's.  To be completely honest, I have no idea how to go out and party since I spent the first 5 years of legal drinking age playing housewife.  I'm ready for some adventure!  .....I suppose this means I should probably shave my legs more often, huh?

New Apartment Log: Day 3

Destruction ensues as I find more and more things I need have yet to be unpacked. On the bright side, the weight loss is coming along nicely since my main diet, until the kitchen can be unpacked, consists of Frosted Mini Wheats.

So far, I've been able to mooch someone else's internet but I think the time is rapidly approaching to get my own since it's horribly slow and keeps dying. :-)

Today I showered using hotel shampoo and conditioner as I seem to be missing a box of bathroom stuff. I now smell vaguely like a man due to only being able to find a travel size bottle of Red Zone body wash.  I have to admit, though, that I do feel slightly less boyfriend-less now....Perhaps all I need to survive this new, testosterone-barren world is a bottle of body wash and some dark chocolate.

The adventure continues.

An Introduction

For this, my first post, I would like to just say that this is mostly meant to be something for me to look back on as I journey through this new chapter in my life.  If you know me, you probably know the story of the last decade or so of my life.  

For those of you who don't (if there are any) know who I am, here's a brief bit of background information.  (Yes, I changed the names.)  The biggest thing you need to know is that I have spent the last 10 years in relationships.

I was 16 when my high school sweetheart, Felan, and I started dating.  Oh, he was dreamy.  With blue eyes that could knock you over in the right light.   After almost 8 years, we were finally planning a wedding (meaning I was planning it and he was agreeing ;-) ).  Six months out though, I called it off.  I had a lot of reasons at the time, most of which I've started to forget, but they all stemmed from one issue; we both needed to grow up.

After a short reprieve (I think now it was too short), I spent a year and a half with a boy named Connor.  Connor and I had known each other many, many years before and our relationship started like a wild fire.  It ended last June when he decided he couldn't be in a relationship anymore but the ending was for the best.  We are now good friends and have spent the last 4 months as roommates.

And that brings us to the present...and the reason for this blog.  As of this past Saturday, October 24th, 2009, I am officially a single woman living on my own for the first time....well, ever.  I'm writing this blog as a way to further explore this new way of life.  I'm not really expecting anyone to read it on a regular basis but, in case you do, I hope you enjoy it.  :-)